Session with Pam 26th August 2021
Do you even WANT to be free!?
I do not doubt the power of Jesus Christ of Nazareth or his name in the calling out of evil spirits. Nor do I doubt Pam as being one of the elect, with great faith in the Lord, his bodily resurrection, and the resurrection of the dead. I also respect her extensive experience dealing with tormented and spiritually deceived people both in her ministry and as her career as a counsellor. So why then do I continue to be tormented after intense deliverance sessions! Why is there still so much of a struggle going on inside? What is all my confusion about?
I get the most breakthrough moments when she confronts me, and asks me, tough love, to the point questions. During my first ever session with her, she called me out on the Covid-19 vaccine. I had sent an email to her beforehand about my concern that my parents were getting the vaccine. I had been caught up in the anti-vaccine mindset, suspicious of everyone and everything. She opened the session with something along the lines of “who do you think you are to say what your parents should or shouldn’t do? Huh”. It took me by surprise at her immediate confrontation, but it burst 6 months of paranoia that had been circulating my mind. She was right! Who was I to know what is right for another person and why am I making it my business. It cut straight through the layer of lies and gave me back my common sense in regard to that situation. It was exactly what I needed.
After several months of counselling with Pam, I sent her an email saying that I wanted to take a break and focus on my physical/bodily symptoms for a while, giving her an explanation and thanking her for everything she had done for me so far. I had said that fixing my body symptoms may help solve my soul and spiritual ones. She accepted my leaving but again plainly saw through my reasoning for it. She wrote me a straight to the point email gracefully calling me out on my explanation. I had been trying to run away from working on my soul. I had gone from a firm decision to take a break (believing this was a good thing), to knowing that she was exactly right, she saw straight through me and knew the exact words to cut through my delusion. Not many people have been able to see through me and knowing that she did, made me trust her even more. Again it was her tough love, to the point approach that ripped away another layer of deceit and brought me back to my senses so to speak.
You can probably tell I get very carried away and sucked in by lots of ideas and am easily found going down many rabbit holes. The further I delve the more my commonsense slips away, Pam pulls me back to reality and saves me from going deeper into distractions.
Fast forward to our most recent session and again she has helped me to see why I am still in bondage. I want more than anything to be free of the torment, I become obsessed with getting free and finding the whys and wherefores. So when she asked if I even wanted to be free I just didn’t know what to say, I put all my effort into doing exactly that and don’t know why I am not feeling better. I tried to find words but cried instead and felt waves of intense emotion come out of me.
This interaction made me realise that I still believe I should be punished, that I am a bad person that does not deserve happiness. This belief and personality defect is allowing spirits into my soul and I am holding onto them. I always find a way to make something my fault, idolising guilt, being self-centred. This has got to stop, I need to allow myself to be free and stop letting the voices of indefinite condemnation pull me deeper.
Pam’s upfront, no-nonsense way of approaching soulish and spiritual problems has kept me in check, bringing me back from being a lost sheep.
Pam Sheppard: A true shepherdess.
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